The Uncomfortably of Gratitude

Gratitude is one of the most widely researched emotional capacities we have, and the data is remarkably consistent.

• A global review of 64 gratitude studies found consistent improvements in well-being, mood, and life satisfaction, even from small practices.

  
  

• Harvard research shows gratitude is associated with better sleep, lower depression risk, stronger relationships, and healthier biomarkers.

  
  

• A 2024 UCSF study of 18,000 people found that 5–10 minutes of micro-gratitude moments significantly improved stress and emotional resilience in just one week!

And yet many individuals still find gratitude surprisingly difficult.

Why? Well, it's not because they are refuting the science, nor because they are inherently more negative or unappreciative. There is a much deeper, psychological reasoning.

Gratitude is an internal experience shaped by identity, history, and the systems that have defined what feels safe to us. For many, acknowledging what’s good triggers an entirely different part of the mind, one that says:

• If I ease up, I’ll lose control.

• If I acknowledge my efforts, I’ll stop pushing.

• If I receive appreciation, it might reveal something I can’t sustain.

• If I allow myself to feel grateful, the other shoe might drop.

If any of these resonate with you, know that these responses don’t come from ingratitude; they come from adaptation.

They come from situations where we're forced to stay vigilant, to anticipate pressure, to keep moving, to hold everything together. When your internal world has been shaped by environments where safety meant staying alert, gratitude can feel more like risk or exposure.

This is why the typical advice around gratitude can ring hollow. In situations where gratitude feels hard, it’s a sign that something in you is trying to keep you safe. And if you've been reading our articles for a while, you know this is where the really good stuff lies — in the uncomfortable.

In that sense, gratitude is not a practice, but a relationship with yourself. And this is where gratitude becomes deeply adaptive.

If you find yourself in the position where gratitude feels shallow, or maybe even impossible, try asking yourself: What part of me feels exposed when I acknowledge what’s good?

Turning toward this question is what shifts gratitude from a performance into a catalyst for deeper awareness, uncovering the fears and scarcities that have a choke-hold on our lives.

Remember, the research shows that the benefit of gratitude comes not from the size of the moment you notice, but from your willingness to let that moment register at all. And ironically, that’s what increases capacity for more gratitude.

After all, gratitude isn’t about acting as if life is easier than it is. It’s about allowing yourself to recognize what is meaningful, even alongside what is hard — and in doing so, expanding the self that carries it.